there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
