Non-Jews are for practice
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
