So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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