its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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