mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
