Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
