I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
