i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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