i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
