ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
