so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My penis needs a shock collar
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
