Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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