i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
