You're completely useless in the revolution.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
