He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
