i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
