I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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