Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
