Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is Oprah even human
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
