You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
