i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My cat gives me a boner
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
