you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
