if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
