Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
