Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
