The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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