someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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