Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
