HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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