So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
