it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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