Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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