Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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