You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
