I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
