trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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