This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
