Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
