are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
