dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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