Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
