you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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