im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We have started to decorate penises.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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