You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
