Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
