good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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