i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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