I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
