Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
