i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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