Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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